Did it again
by pegzbabe
Summary: Dan was lost without Phil, but when he got him back, would he mess up their relationship again. P.s-Very slashy.


**Dan's POV. **  
Life just isn't the same without Phil. Everyday I think about him, I can't get him out of my head. I miss him, I miss us and I miss the person I used to be. The way he made me feel- Nothing can compare to it. We were so happy and we thought it would never change.  
But I screwed up. Like I always do.

I really need to stop this. Thinking about Phil hurts. I bring myself back to the present day where I am watching a video of me and Phil on You Tube, when my new flatmate Ryan came into my room. Doesn't he know how to knock? I didn't want him to see what I was doing. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anyone. I will tell him I'm editing a video.  
**Ryan's POV. **  
I have noticed Dan hasn't left his room for days. I'm starting to get worried about him. He seems so unhappy and depressed. I would really love to help him but he wont talk to me. He doesn't talk to anyone. I walked into his room to find he was watching a video of himself and someone else on You Tube.  
"Who is that?" I asked him.  
"Don't you know how to fucking knock Ryan? Jesus," came Dan's reply.  
"Sorry Dan, but seriously who-"  
"I'm editing a video." Dan interrupted before closing down the page.  
**Dan's POV. **  
I'm fucked. I don't want to tell Ryan about what happened. He won't understand. I hope he doesn't recognise Phil in the video, or even worse, why I am watching it.  
"Dan, I need to talk to you." Said Ryan.  
"What do you want?" I replied, sounding rather more rude than I had wanted to.  
"You don't seem great these days. You know, you just seem a bit...sad. Depressed. You get me?"  
Shit. No. No no no. I'm not talking to him about this. Not now- or ever. He must have seen the expression on my face because he stood up and walked towards me. He placed his hand on my shoulder sympathetically and stared me in the eyes.  
"I'm worried about you Dan," he said, "I want to help you."  
When I raised my arm to push his from my shoulder and tell him not to be so stupid, I saw his eyes widen in horror.  
"Dan, your arm!" He exclaimed in disbelief.  
Bollocks, I have done it again.  
**Phil's POV. **  
As I shakily walked up the stairs, I questioned whether this was a good idea. Dan was everything- my life and my world- but would it be better to leave things as they were? No. I need him and he needs me. I want him. I want him so much that it hurt. The scars on my arms couldn't take away the emotional pain I felt. The longing and the hurt. The hurt that Dan had caused me. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.  
**Ryan's POV. **  
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The burns, the marks, the scratches, grazes, cuts an scars. How have I not noticed this before? Dan turned away from me and pulled his sleeves down.  
"Dan, I don't understand?" I said to fill the painful silence, "Why have you-"  
"Just fuck off, yeah?" He shouted.  
I stood up and left his room. I was so confused. I want to help him but he won't let me. Suddenly, I was risen from my thoughts by a knock at the door.**  
Phil's POV. **  
I took a deep breath in and knocked on the door. So many thoughts were swelling up in my head. At one point I even considered running away, but before I could even think about it any further, the door swung open.  
"Hello?" Came a voice.  
Oh no. Maybe Dan doesn't live here any more. Should I just turn around and leave now? I want to, but my heart won't let me.  
"I'm looking for Dan Howell. Is he here?" I stuttered after a short moment.  
"Yes he is. Come in!" Said the guy.  
"Thanks." I breathed, "what is your name? I don't think we have met before."  
"I'm Ryan, nice to meet you." He said, when suddenly his mouth dropped slightly.  
"I know who you are! You are amazingphil, aren't you?" Said Ryan.  
"Yes I am." I replied, not knowing what else to say.  
**Dan's POV. **  
No, it can't be him! He said that he was never coming back. It sounded like his voice. This was the voice I had wanted to hear for so long.  
"Dan?! Someone here to see you. It's Phil!" Shouted Ryan.  
It is Phil! I look a mess, I can't see him looking like this. Wait. Suddenly a horrible thought popped into my head. What if he was here for a bad reason? Oh no. I had to face him. I stepped into the hallway and closed my door behind me. When I looked up, I nearly fell back into my room. Phil was here. He was stood in front of me. We just looked at each other.  
"I'll leave you guys to it. I'm going out, so I will see you later!" Ryan shouted behind him as he walked out of the front door. We stayed there just looking at each other.  
**Phil's POV.**  
We just stared at each other for what felt like forever.  
"Phil, why are you here?" Dan asked.  
"Don't you want to see me?" I replied, suddenly feeling hurt. He didn't want me back.  
"Of course I do Phil. I have wanted to see you since the day you left." He replied.  
I walked over to the sofa and sat down an Dan followed.  
"Dan, I miss you so much." I blurted out. Heart, why do you do this to me?  
"I...I miss you so much, too. I need you Phil." Dan replied.  
"I have tried to forget about you. I tried to forget what had happened, but I just couldn't. I love you, Dan Howell. I love you, I need you and I want you."  
"I love you too Phil. I never stopped loving you." Dan said in a low, gruff voice that sounded mind blowingly sexy.  
"This is unbearable, Dan. I need to-"  
"Shut up and kiss me, Phil." He growled.  
I leant forward and put my hand on his face. We pressed our lips together in an amazing kiss.  
**Dan's POV. **  
I interwove my fingers into his thick, black hair. His lips were soft and the kiss was amazing. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip and slid it into my mouth. We just kissed for a while and when we did pull away, I just stared into his eyes. God, I missed his blue, starry eyes. The ambitions that we had. The things we wanted to do. We can do them now. Phil is my life and I have him back. I have my life back.  
**~1 MONTH LATER~**  
**Phil's POV.**  
I awoke to find a steaming cup of coffee next to me and the sound of the shower. Dan is awake then. He is so sweet, he does the kindest things for me. I sat up and sipped my drink. He makes it just the way I like it. When Dan returned from the shower he was topless.  
"Thanks for the coffee," I said as I pulled off the covers so that I could go and have a shower. I was nearly out of bed when Dan pushed me back down and laid on me whilst pressing a deep, passionate kiss onto my lips. I twisted my hands into his damp hair and kissed him back...Hard.  
**Dan's POV.**

I don't know what happened at that moment, but I just felt the sudden urge to show him I love him. I just wanted to kiss him. When we pulled away, Phil's eyes were wide and bright. He looked alive. He bit his lip and gazed longingly at mine. I felt myself getting harder at the sight of him. He was doing this to me- it was all Phil. God, he was sexy. I wanted him. Everything suddenly became slow- I could hear my heart racing and I could hear Phil's too. This was it. It was real.  
**Phil's POV. **  
This was it. It was real. I could feel myself getting harder just at the sight of him. He made me feel like this. It was Dan. I wanted him. And I wanted him now.  
"Phil," he said in a low breathy voice, "I want you."  
I moved my face towards his and nipped his neck gently. I could feel his erection pressing against my leg. Dan closed his eyes and lifted his neck to give me further access. I continued pulling gently at his neck with my teeth. I growled deeply and he moaned with pleasure. Then he ran feather light kisses along my jaw whilst tugging at my hair. Woah. This was such a turn on. My breathing had become hitch++++ed and heavy. I could feel Dan's breath on my jaw- warm and heavy. He kissed me gently on the lips and pulled my hair tighter.  
**Dan's POV. **  
I pulled him closer to me. I could feel his heart beating against my chest. My heart skipped a beat when Phil twisted himself so that he was on top of me. He moved his mouth down my torso- trailing kisses and nips wherever he went. I was getting harder. this was getting hotter. I wanted it. I wanted it now. I wanted release.  
"I want this Phil," I said. It was the most I could manage. He continued down until he reached my hips. He hooked his fingers into my jeans and pulled them off. He played with my erection through my boxers. He was teasing me. This was unbearable.  
"Stop teasing, Phil. You're killing me!" I breathed. I wanted release. He looked up at me and smiled. Then he took off my boxer shorts and threw them behind him. He started stroking my length. He was still teasing me.  
"Phil, if you don't stop teasing me, I will literally have to start wanking," I said, sounding a little more frustrated than I had wanted to. Phil seemed to like my frustration.  
"Say literally again," he said.  
"Literally," I sighed. He loves it when I say that. He smiled again and traced the outline of my tip with his tongue. It took so much control to not slam it in his mouth. This tension was unbearable. With a sudden movement, Phil pushed my whole length into his mouth. I cried out with pleasure. I grabbed his hair as he continued to move, up and down. Woah, this was AMAZING. It felt so good. When I couldn't take it any more I felt myself spiral into mind-blowing pleasure and cummed in his mouth. He swallowed and then lay down beside me.

**Phil's POV. **

Dan turned his head towards me and smiled.

"Your turn," he said before shooting me one of his cute little winks. I couldn't help but smile. Dan made me smile. He pushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed me. Then, he grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt. Oh god.

"No, Dan!" I said urgently whilst pushing his hands away. Dan's eyes widened and he looked hurt. I didn't want to hurt him, I just didn't want him to see my scars.

"Dan...I...I-" I stammered before being interrupted by Dan putting his finger to my lips and shushing me. Slowly, he placed his hands back on my hips and began to take off my t-shirt again. I closed my eyes because I didn't want to see his reaction. He pulled it off and then paused for a moment. I squeezed my eyes even more tightly together. Suddenly, I felt him kissing my stomach. I opened my eyes and looked down at him. I was so confused.

"You know I will always love you- Scars or no scars. I caused them. I made you do this," He said slowly.

"But, Dan I-"

"It doesn't matter, Phil. I love every part of you. I love your scars. I hate that they are there and I hate why they are there, but I still love them. It is because I love you, Phil. You make my life complete. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are funny, kind and sweet. You are a beautiful person, on the inside and the outside. I wish I could have stopped your pain. I wish it never even happened in the first place, but I can't change the past. Those scars is what make up your history...Without your history, I wouldn't have met you. I am so glad I met you, Phil. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts."

I gazed into his eyes and felt warm. I placed my hand behind his neck and pulled him close to me.

"I love you. It doesn't matter what you do. I love you, Dan," I whispered in his ear.

**~1 MONTH LATER~**

**Dan's POV.**

"Do you want to go out later?"I shouted to Phil whilst I was straightening my hair.

"Sorry, babe, I'm busy later," he shouted back.

"Okay, what are you getting up to, then?" I asked as I walked into the living room.

"I'm going out to dinner with Matt," he replied. I could feel myself getting jealous. He had been with Matt every night for weeks and I hadn't been invited once. I hadn't even met the guy.

"Whatever then, Phil," I said before storming into our room and slamming the door behind me. Was he cheating? He is obviously cheating on me! I am so worthless. No body wants me. No body needs me. I broke down in tears.

"Hey, is there something wrong?" Phil asked before entering the room to see me crying.

"What is it, Dan?" He asked sounding worried. Why should he be worried? He didn't care about me. I cried even harder.

"Dan, are you okay?" He asked whilst sitting down and putting his arms around me.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I shouted. I only meant to shout. I didn't mean to do anything else. I was so angry, I just turned around and elbowed him in the face. He fell to the floor and stayed there. He didn't get up. I was just getting angrier looking at him. How could he do this to me? He pushed himself onto his knees and looked around at me with blood on his face.

"Don't look at me," I snapped.

"But, Dan, I-"

"I said don't fucking look at me you dirty cheater!" I shouted. Them, my body took over. I couldn't stop myself from kicking him hard in the ribs. Seeing him motionlessly lying there soothed the pain. I couldn't stop myself. I kicked him in the stomach until he was against the wall in the corner of the room. He scrambled to his feet and coward away from me, with his hands over his face.

"Please stop Dan. I haven't cheated on you. I would never do that," He sobbed. I felt sick with rage. I thought he loved me. I have loved him so much and he never loved me. This thought just tipped me over the edge and I punched Phil hard in the nose. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang and stepped backwards. What had I just done? I saw blood on the wall that had come from Phil's head. I ran out of the room and into the bathroom. I had blood all over my hand. Oh my god Phil! I ran back into the bedroom to find him packing some of his clothes into a bag. I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Phil, please, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to do it!" I shouted desperately. Phil stopped what he was doing and stared at the floor.

"Now it is my turn to tell you to get off of me." He said slowly. I backed away until I felt my back against the wall.

"Phil, I'm so sorry," I sobbed. How could I have done this to him?

"I am not a cheater. I would never do that to you," he said, still staring at the floor, "But you did this to me. I am leaving."

"Phil, please, no! You can't leave, Please!" I begged. I don't want to lose him.

"I can and I will. I am going to go to the hospital to see if anything is broken this time," he said.

This time? Oh no. No. The memories were coming back to me now. Why we split up last time. I have done it again. Phil zipped his bag shut and walked out of the room. I ran after him.

"Phil, please don't go!" I shouted after him. He turned around to face me and said something that I will never forget.

"Dan. I am leaving and I am leaving now. You scare me. You could have killed me. But I wouldn't be worried about losing me forever, if I were you. Because I will just come running back to you like I always do. Like the pathetic person that I am. Because I am weak. I tell myself that those are the reasons that I come back. But they are not. I only come back because of you. Because I love you. I will always love you, no matter how much you hurt me. Goodbye, Dan. Until I decide I can't bare living without you any more." He said before turning and walking out of the door.

So this is the end. Like dreams, not all things have a happy ending. Goodbye, Phil. I am going to return to my mind now. This is a bad dream. I want to wake up. I want to wake up.


End file.
